Iraq Study Released; Hostage Taken

AP- In a study released today by the Institute for Bogus Studies (IBS), data shows that an immediate withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq would have many unintended consequences. Some such consequences may include(but are not limited to): civil war, beheadings, Iraqi Dinar devaluation, liberals finding new things to whine about,spontaneous human combustion, insurgent confusion as to who to fight now,tooth decay, gingivitis,male pattern baldness,drowsiness, headaches, upset stomach, nausea,dry mouth and erections lasting longer than 4 hours.



In related news, a humanitarian worker was taken hostage by an Islamic extremist group. The group has announced on their website that it intends to execute the worker unless the U.S. troops are immediately withdrawn. Below is a screen shot of the hostage bound and naked taken from the groups website.

WARNING: GRAPHIC VIOLENCE DEPICTED BELOW






According to the US embassy, the identity of the hostage is one Snuggly T. Bear. Mr. Bear's mission in Iraq was to go door to door and put smiles on Iraqi children's faces. He planned to do this with hugs and by allowing them to pull his cord which causes him to say common phrases for Arabic-speaking people like, "Shalom (a greeting) and "Twenty-five dollars for gas and $1.76 for the Mt. Dew. Thank you, come again."