Bush Halts Worldwide Military Action

Madison, WI-
President Bush today announced the cessation of all hostile actions in Iraq and all over the globe effective immediately. During a press conference held in the White House, Bush explained, "Well, there was this little group in Madison, Wisconsin called Stop the War. They made me realize that, well, we should bring everyone home. When people are violent about peace, you realize that they really know what they are doing."

"It was the demonstration they staged at the ROTC recruiting center that made me change my mind. Hell, they made me see that recruiting on campus is a bad idea. Whenever you have the deadliest military in the world, certainly you wouldn't want to have the best and the brightest leading it."

Wisconsin Governor Doyle applauded the decision because he believes it will make everyone safer. "Safety is my main concern, let's get the educated out of the millitary where it'll be safer for everyone. Safety is the reason I signed AB 618 requiring childing up to the age of 23 to sit in booster seats. You'll thank me when you survive the impact from an intoxicated driver like my very own son. If he doesn't get ya, I'm sure my good friend Peggy will."